Jumat, 14 Agustus 2015

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This is Book 1.  The COMPLETE 50 Shades of Gray Matter (The Swordsman Series Book 1- Book 5), is NOW AVAILABLE on Amazon in one volume (ASIN: B009SYL44U).  
And, don't miss the latest series from Pat Connid-- The "science-fiction/humor series of wavering merit": The Vault Matrix (NOW on Amazon).
                                 50 SHADES OF GRAY MATTER
                    A humor/science fiction/zombie apocalypse series

                                     Excerpt From Book 1

     Ultimately, I think it was the traffic that got to me.
     To be blunt, zombies can't drive.
And, I live in Atlanta-- people here started off being really, really crappy drivers. And adding in the effects of ZBF [zombie bird flu]-- the blurred vision, inconsistent eye-hand coordination, and a cerebral cortex shriveled like Hitler's testicle on an Arctic expedition-- you've got a traffic jam that encircles the city, cuts through the city and clogs up most streets downtown.
     Yet, while it was the 24/7 bumper-to-bumper traffic that put me over the edge, I have to admit, it's really the globe-wide traffic jams-- with undead motorists honking, growling, and giving whatever fingers that might be left to other zombie motorists-- that have allowed the few remaining uninfected to avoid, so far, being summarily attacked and eaten.
     Many of them, the survivors, I understand, have gone to Canada.
     Think of how that must frustrate the Canadian tourism industry to no end! All those print ads and broadcast campaigns about skiing and fresh air and "darn good fishing"?
     What a waste! Turns out, they had it all wrong.
     Here's your big winner: "Come to Canada. Zombies don't like winter."
     So, then, what about those of us who are no longer pure human? We must ask ourselves, we who have begun "the turn," What's our future like?
     Okay, there isn't one.
     That's the thought that led me to a local pharmacy-- drunk and infected, already starting to turn, and seeking enough painkillers to punch my ticket for the way out. I was nearly undead and wanted to die.
     But, it didn't turn out that way.
    It didn't turn out that way at all.

50 SHADES OF GRAY MATTER is parody, using the elemental themes of the popular E.L. James series and combining them with the impending zombie Apocalypse.

As the narrator has, in point of fact, been infected by the ZBF (zombie bird flu) and is gradually turning to join the undead race, each Book will be novelette length-- around 10000 words.

  • Sales Rank: #168580 in eBooks
  • Published on: 2012-08-26
  • Released on: 2012-08-26
  • Format: Kindle eBook

Review

  • "Outright hilarious..!"  Karla, Goodreads.com                                                
  • "Must read!  It was so funny, not your typical zombie book!" -- crazyt, Amazon reader
  • "These books just keep getting better and more hilarious as they go on!"-- Rene, GoodReads.com            
  • "Disgusting, funny and almost brilliant...  Well written and funny, the lead character is unforgettable!"-- Tim Phillips, Amazon reader

Most helpful customer reviews

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
Disgusting, funny and almost brilliant
By Tim Phillips
As a native Atlantan, I agree the traffic wars are well depicted. As for the rest of this odd little parody, the ending had me in stitches and I can hardly wait for part 2 on Wednesday of this week!

No pun intended (well, ok.. maybe a little) - this book really really has some bite. Well written, and funny, the lead character is unforgettable. Can't wait to see where the story goes!

6 of 7 people found the following review helpful.
Must read!
By crazyt
I mistakenly bought this book thinking it was the fifty shades of grey series of books everyone was reading, only to realize this was not that book.I decided to check it out since I had it.Turns out, its really good but really short.I gotta say I want to read more.It was so funny, not your typical zombie book.loved it!

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
FÜ€KING hilarious
By Felicia Flournoy
This sh!t was pure entertainment. The writing, I've seen so many complain about, is spot on and made the book better. And to all the comments that have words in them like porn and naughty obviously didn't read this book, but if you did find this book pornish and naughty then you are one twisted fü€k. In reality these people are just to stupid to see they are commenting on the wrong book.
If you want a quick hilarious read about zombies and boners this is it. Long live the General!

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Sex and humor. 101 hilarious and dirty jokes for adults.

  • Published on: 2012-08-26
  • Released on: 2012-08-26
  • Format: Kindle eBook

Most helpful customer reviews

8 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
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By Kindle Customer
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9 of 11 people found the following review helpful.
Funny.
By Martins14
This book was really funny. I'm going to tell these jokes to my friends. It was really awesome. Get it.

13 of 17 people found the following review helpful.
Funny
By Jimmy Shane Allen
Good laughs and funny yarns made for good chuckles and loud laughs I think all should try this book out for themselves

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Selasa, 11 Agustus 2015

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Things I Have Seen and People I Have Known, Vol. 1 of 2 (Classic Reprint), by George Augustus Sala

This book, I may respectfully remark, is not to be considered as constituting, in any sense, my A utobiography. I have been engaged for a long time past in writing an account of my own life; I am approaching the end of my task; and I hope that ere many months have expired, a work which I have contemplated for at least twenty years will be ready for publication. The following pages are only a collection of essays and sketches on the manners of my time, and reminiscences of the very many people in all ranks of society whom I have met. It has been occasionally inevitable that I should talk about myself in connection with the Things which I have witnessed and the People whom I have come in contact with; but I have done my best to present my own individuality only in the form of a peg on which objects of real interest might be suspended.
(Typographical errors above are due to OCR software and don't occur in the book.)

About the Publisher

Forgotten Books is a publisher of historical writings, such as: Philosophy, Classics, Science, Religion, History, Folklore and Mythology.

Forgotten Books' Classic Reprint Series utilizes the latest technology to regenerate facsimiles of historically important writings. Careful attention has been made to accurately preserve the original format of each page whilst digitally enhancing the aged text. Read books online for free at www.forgottenbooks.org

  • Published on: 2012-08-04
  • Original language: English
  • Dimensions: 9.00" h x .68" w x 6.00" l,
  • Binding: Paperback
  • 300 pages

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This massively updated and expanded fifth edition is the most complete, authoritative engineering treatment of the dehydration and gas purification processes used in industry today. Of great value to design and operations engineers, it gives practical process and equipment design descriptions, basic data, plant performance results, and other detailed information on gas purification processes and hardware. This latest edition incorporates all significant advances in the field since 1985.



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  • Sales Rank: #1931163 in eBooks
  • Published on: 1997-08-28
  • Released on: 1997-08-28
  • Format: Kindle eBook

Review
The 16 precisely written chapters, all well illustrated and well referenced, deal with everything relevant to gas purification....This book would be an excellent reference source for anyone interested in gas purification... (Chemistry & Industry)
...recommended for academic and technical libraries for serious researchers in chemical engineering. (E-STREAMS, www.e-streams.com)

About the Author
Arthur Kohl is a program manager in the Rocketdyne Division of Rockwell International. He previously worked for the Fluor Corporation, where he was Chief Chemical Engineer in the Research Division. He has been awarded many honors for contributions to chemical engineering. He is a member of the American Institute of Chemical Engineers and is listed in American Men of Science and Who's Who in the West. He has been awarded more than 25 patents in gas purification and other chemical engineering fields.

Richard Nielsen is a Director of Process Engineering at Fluor Daniel's Irvine, California office. His 20 years with Fluor Daniel include work in gas treating, gas processing, and refining. He holds a BS degree from Massachusetts Institute of Technology, an MS degree from the University of Southern California, and an MBA degree from the University of California, Irvine.

Most helpful customer reviews

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
I was delighted with the packaging and quick delivery
By Erith French
I have been wanting to buy this book (which is a classic on the subject) for some time but held off as it worked out too expensive when adding mail charges to Australia (it weighs 5 lbs!). On re-checking I found Amazon's current price very reasonable and jumped at it. I was delighted with the packaging and quick delivery.

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Kohl & Nielsen "Gas Purification"
By Leigh
This is a must-have reference for anyone in the gas purification / treating field. It covers a broad range of technologies for many gas treating applications.

0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Gas Purification
By Rudolf Hessel
Very interesting book. Deals its themes as it should be.
A classical.
For consulting only.
Thanks for let'em us

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Sabtu, 08 Agustus 2015

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Laughter in the Dark

  • Sales Rank: #9384032 in Books
  • Published on: 2001-10-25
  • Binding: Paperback

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Cole's Christmas Wish (The Colorado Fosters Book 1), by Tracy Madison



Cole Foster had only one wish this Christmas…

And that was for Rachel Merriday to realize, finally, that she was in love with him! The only problem was, he and Rachel were friends…just friends. Sure, they kissed that once—and what a kiss!—but Cole was waiting for the right time to tell her how he really felt.

But has time run out? Rachel was coming home to Colorado for Christmas with a new man! And from what Cole's been hearing, this guy might just be "the one." How could that be, when it's been so obvious from the moment Rachel first leveled him with a snowball as kids, that it's Cole she should be kissing under the mistletoe!

Maybe now is the right time to finally let Rachel know that all he wants for Christmas…is her.

  • Sales Rank: #299390 in eBooks
  • Published on: 2012-12-01
  • Released on: 2012-12-01
  • Format: Kindle eBook

About the Author
Tracy Madison lives in northwestern Ohio with her husband, four children, one bear-size dog, one loving-but-paranoid pooch and a couple of snobby cats. Her house is often hectic, noisy and filled to the brim with laugh-out-loud moments. Many of these incidents fire up her imagination to create the interesting, realistic and intrinsically funny characters that live in her stories. Tracy loves to hear from readers. You can reach her at tracy@tracymadison.com.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Christmas had all but exploded in Steamboat Springs, Colorado. Wreaths adorned with big red bows and holly berries hung from doors and windows, lampposts and storefronts were strung with sparkling white lights. Holiday music played inside and out, and everywhere Cole Foster looked, people—residents and tourists alike—were literally glowing with cheer.

There were a few, he noted, who walked quickly, either because they were used to the frenetic pace of a larger city or because they were intent on reaching their destinations after a full day of shopping, skiing, or both. Still others chugged along the sidewalks slowly, enjoying the sight of Steamboat Springs dressed in its Christmas best.

The locals, on the other hand, fell somewhere in between, neither rushing nor dawdling, yet obviously focused on going home or getting to work. Typically, Cole fell into this group, especially after a long, busy day dealing with the ins and outs of managing the sporting goods store his family owned. Today, however, he wasn't going home.

He stopped and shoved his hands into his coat pockets, breathed in a deep lungful of fresh, cold December air and took a moment to gather his bearings. Thick, fat snowflakes dropped lazily from the sky, enhancing the appearance of the perfect Christmas village. It was, he admitted, a beautiful night.

The weight didn't lift from his shoulders, though. Nor did the anxious adrenaline pummeling through his blood abate. Hell, this year, he had more in common with the Grinch than he did with jolly ole St. Nick—and he had no one to blame but himself.

He'd waited too long to act on his feelings, and while there were reasons for his slow-footed approach—valid reasons, dammit—too long was, at the end of the day, still too long. And now, Rachel Merriday might have gone and fallen in love with someone else.

So yup, the merry had been sucked clean out of Cole's Christmas.

Ironic, really, at the timing. For months, he'd thought about Rachel's visit, about how he was finally going to broach the "taboo" topic and put their past behind them. So maybe, just maybe, they could return to what they were beginning to share before the accident that had changed everything.

Four years ago—had it really been that long?—his entire future looked bright. His career in downhill skiing was speeding along, his relationship with Rachel was starting to turn the corner from the friendship they'd always had to something more—something deeper. One fall—one disastrous fall—had ended not only his career, but the aftereffects had sent Rachel running.

Shouldn't have been a surprise. Rachel's first instinct when anything skewed off-balance was to get the hell out of Dodge. Hadn't he seen her bolt time and time again throughout the years? Yep, he sure as hell had. Just not with him. So when she had, that bit in hard. Real hard.

Unfair, perhaps. He still didn't know exactly why Rachel hadn't stayed, hadn't stuck with him when his world shredded apart. Oh, she'd called. Sent care packages and notes of encouragement, but she hadn't been physically present throughout his year of rehab, or for the time it took to get his head screwed on straight again.

In fact, she hadn't returned to Steamboat Springs until last Christmas, when they'd somehow managed to breach the gap and reestablish their friendship in person. It had been too soon to dredge up the past—their one and only kiss and the words they'd each said the night before the accident—so he'd waited until this year. Until this Christmas.

Except, a little over a week ago, Rachel had called to inform him that she wasn't coming to Steamboat Springs alone for the holidays. Nope. She was bringing a man with her. A man she deemed might be "the one." Just that fast, all of Cole's plans had disintegrated into dust.

He inhaled another breath and walked on, nodding at and greeting those on his path to the coffee shop. When he arrived at the Beanery, he paused again and glanced inside the windows, in search of a woman with long blond hair and bright blue eyes.

Nope. She wasn't here yet.

Cole pushed open the door and was hit by a blast of heat, the scent of fresh brewed coffee, cinnamon rolls—the Beanery's specialty—and the sound of voices mixed with more freaking Christmas music. What he wouldn't give to hear Mick belting out "Satisfaction" or "Start Me Up" instead of yet another rendition of "Jingle Bells."

A few of the regulars called out to him as he took his place in line. Again, he responded to each with a nod and a smile but didn't initiate further conversation. Rachel would be here soon, and Cole needed every minute between now and then to prepare himself.

The line moved slowly, as Lola—the owner of the Beanery—chatted with each and every customer as if they were her best friend. Beyond the cinnamon rolls, the warmth and camaraderie Lola offered was a large reason why the Beanery was always chockfull of people, even during the few months of the year the town wasn't overrun by tourists.

Usually, Cole enjoyed talking with Lola as much as he enjoyed her cinnamon rolls, but today all he wanted was to get his coffee and escape to an empty table. Preferably one with an unobstructed view of Lincoln Avenue, where he could wait in relative peace for Rachel and "the one," and catch a quick glimpse of them before they saw him.

Body language often told the truth about the state of a couple's relationship. Cole was hoping to see a mile-wide distance that would negate the possibility that "the one"—otherwise known as Andrew Redgrave—might be raring up to propose.

Frankly, the thought made Cole sick to his stomach. Yeah, he'd waited too long to speak his peace, and now—well, now he might lose Rachel before he—they—ever really had a chance.

"What will it be today, Cole? Your normal black coffee and a cinnamon roll?" Lola's chipper, somewhat twangy voice interrupted his thoughts. "Or are you in the mood for something fancier for once? Maybe a peppermint mocha or an eggnog latte?"

"Coffee is supposed to taste like coffee, not peppermint or eggnog," he pointed out, taking in the snowmen dangling from her earlobes, the oversize Santa hat pinned to her bottled-red hair and the blinking, multicolored necklace of lights she wore. He grinned. Lola was a character, no doubt about it. "Just the coffee today, I think. Had a late lunch."

Squinting in surprise, Lola grabbed one of the Beanery's bright orange mugs. "Never known you to say no to one of my cinnamon rolls, late lunch or not. You feeling okay?"

"Yup, just not hungry," Cole said quickly. "You know how it is this time of year."

Curiosity lit Lola's gaze, but she nodded and poured his coffee. Cole bit his lip to stop himself from over-explaining. Lola was one of his mother's best friends, and if she suspected anything was amiss, she'd be on the phone to Margaret Foster in the blink of an eye. In another blink, his mother, father, brothers and sister would descend—each determined to discover what the problem was so they could go about rectifying it. Whether Cole wanted their help or not.

"Here you go." Lola slid his coffee across the counter, along with a wrapped-to-go cinnamon roll. "For later, when you're hungry again. My treat."

"Thanks." Arguing, Cole knew, would be pointless. He handed her a few bills to cover the cost of the coffee. "I'll save it for breakfast."

"Your mom was in earlier today," Lola said as she rang up the purchase. "She's ordered several dozen of these for Christmas Eve. I hear you have family coming in for the holidays?"

"Yup. The entire Oregon side of the family, babies included." All three of his Foster cousins were now settled down and, from what his mother had said, blissfully happy. Good for them. "Thanks again, Lola."

After dropping a handful of change into the tip jar. Cole made his way—finally—to a table. Ten minutes, more or less, until he saw Rachel. And Andrew, of course. He couldn't forget about Andrew, though he'd tried his damnedest to do just that.

Rachel had sent him a text when her plane had landed. That had been a little after noon, so she and Andrew had been in Steamboat Springs for about six hours. Her parents weren't in town at the moment, which meant that Rachel and "the one" had spent an entire afternoon ensconced in her family's vacation home. Probably cuddled together in front of a blazing fire with wine and… Cole rubbed his temple and tried to remove the forthcoming image.

He swallowed a gulp of coffee, tuned out the blasted Christmas music and stared out the window. In the time it had taken him to get his coffee, the snow had grown heavier, the light sheen of fluff now covering the streets and sidewalks getting thicker by the minute.

The sight combined with his melancholy state-of-mind took him back in time, to the day he'd first met Rachel. He was eleven, she was ten, and a bunch of the local kids were messing around over at the school playground. Cole and his two older brothers, Reid and Dylan, were involved in one of their massive snowball fights when the mother of all snowballs crashed into the back of Cole's head, sending him sprawling face-first in the snow.

His brothers stood there like statues, their mouths hanging open in shock. Cole pulled himself up with a snowball ready to go, pivoted and saw…her. Pink cheeks, huge sky-blue eyes and short, wispy blond hair that stuck out around her face like a newborn chick's feathers.

A rich kid, based on the fancy boots, coat and car parked behind her. Scowling, Cole lowered his snowball. His family owned businesses that catered to the tourists. Ticking off this girl's parents wouldn't please his folks, and he'd learned that rich-kid tourists didn't take well to being one-upped by the local kids.

It irked him that he couldn't retaliate. Being laid out by a girl wasn't cool, and Reid and Dylan would be merciless in their teasing later. Their sister, Haley, upon hearing the story, would go on and on about how much better girls were than boys, and wow—wouldn't that suck?

Still, he followed his common sense and shrugged it off, as if the dumb girl and her snowball meant less than nothing. His eyes had locked with hers, and she'd given him this spunky, I-win sort of grin that made him even madder, so he turned his back to her.

Seconds later, Cole was kissing the snow again. This time, his brothers broke into laughter. That alone was enough to force Cole into action. Sputtering, he flew to his feet and let his snowball fly. She staggered backward when it smacked her on the chin, but stayed upright. He expected her to stomp her feet and throw a hissy fit, to run to the safety of her car and burst into tears to whomever sat inside.

But she didn't. She smiled broadly, and in almost slow motion, pulled another snowball from behind her back and whipped it through the air, hitting not him, but his brother Dylan square on the chest. That had been the start of their friendship.

For the next many years, Rachel and her parents spent the holidays and the occasional summer in Steamboat Springs, and their friendship grew stronger as they grew older. During their teenage years, they began to stay in touch throughout the months in between her visits, and once they were in college—and after—they found ways to spend time together on a more consistent basis.

Always as friends, though. Until that last year. Until the kiss, the accident and the hell that followed. Cole's gut tightened at the memory. Hell, had he turned into a sixteen-year-old girl? The past was the past, and dwelling on what had happened, versus what might or might not have happened, did him absolutely no good in the present.

A tingling sense of awareness snapped into place. Cole shifted to the right to get a better view and, yep, there she was, crossing the well-lit street with her arm linked in a man's. For a millisecond, he forgot everything else as he watched her long-legged, slender body in motion. Her middle-of-the-back-length blond hair blew around her face, the strands merging with the swirling snow, creating the image of a mythical snow princess.

His heart did the galloping lurch to his throat, and his blood seemed to warm beneath his skin. God, he'd missed her. Even more than he'd realized. He gave himself another few seconds to enjoy the simple pleasure of just seeing Rachel again. She was as beautiful as always.

The man—Andrew—tipped his head to her level and whispered in her ear. Her lips opened in a silent laugh, and she bestowed a light kiss on his cheek. Something primal roared to life inside of Cole, reminding him of what was at stake, and it was all he could do to stay seated.

Narrowing his eyes, he now focused all of his attention on Andrew.

He was tall, but not as tall as Cole. Stupid and meaningless, for sure, but that pleased him. He walked in a smooth, polished gait that spoke of authority, and his black Burberry trench screamed style and wealth. Not a surprise. Rachel came from style and wealth and everything that lifestyle granted, so why wouldn't the man she decreed might be the one?

That didn't bother Cole. What did was how good they looked together. He supposed he could hope there was something wrong with Andrew…some ulterior motive buried behind his interest in Rachel. She'd been involved with men before who were more interested in her family's wealth and her father's business connections than they were in her.

Somehow, though, Cole's intuition told him that wasn't the case here, even though he hadn't yet spoken one word to Andrew. If there was something—anything—going on that could potentially hurt Rachel, Cole would ferret it out. More for her sake than his. Not that he wouldn't use any such information to his advantage, because he would. Without doubt or hesitation.

He supposed he could also hope that Rachel would bolt, as she had with him and other relationships over the years, but wishing for that felt wrong. Cole wanted her to be happy, and that wouldn't happen until she'd figured out that running away never solved a damn thing.

The couple stopped outside the window. Andrew pulled Rachel close for a kiss that reignited Cole's mental images of how they might have spent their afternoon. Cole swallowed, squeezed his hand tight around his coffee cup and waited the interminable seconds until they separated. Rachel said something, laughed again and tugged Andrew toward the door.

It took every bit of willpower that Cole could muster, but he had his smile warm and welcoming when they entered the coffee shop. Rachel squealed, dropped Andrew's hand—which, yeah, also pleased Cole to no end—and flew toward him for a hug.

Standing, he opened his arms and caught her when she landed. Pulled her in tight to him and squeezed. Her scent, a delicious mix of spice and fruit and winter, wrapped around him, securing the knowledge that Rachel belonged in his arms.

Soft hair, damp from the snow, brushed his jaw as she whispered. "I'm so happy to see you. It's been too long."

"Good to see you, too," he said. "And it's always too long."

She stepped out of his arms and turned toward Andrew to introduce them. Her pretty blue eyes softened and a glow entered them that Cole had only seen once before—in the seconds before their solitary kiss. Well, hell. So far, nothing was adding up the way he'd hoped.

Widening his smile, as fake as it might be. Cole reached out to shake Andrew's hand. A faint smirk colored Andrew's expression, but he met Cole's hand with his own and—surprising Cole—squeezed a tad harder than required. And then, harder still, as if out to prove his machismo.

Immature, possibly, but Cole wasn't about to ignore the challenge. He tightened his hold incrementally, smiling all the while, knowing he could outlast just about anyone in the handshake wars. It took all of fifteen seconds, maybe twenty, before Andrew gave up and released his grip.

Score one for the home team.

Most helpful customer reviews

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Deceit and whining to the extreme
By Houston Mom
I borrowed this book from the library based on the high reviews posted. Was I ever disappointed! This book is about a man who pretends to have a girlfriend to snag an old girlfriend who is also lying to her own boyfriend. To make matters worse, once she dumps the current boyfriend, she then lies to the old one to 'get him back' for lying to her. Ugh. There was no chemistry nor steam either. I forced myself to skim through to the end, hoping it would get better and because this author has gotten such great reviews. If I'm desperate, I might try one other book of hers that doesn't have the same type of premise, but boy do I wish I had the hours of my life back that I wasted on this book!

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
A nice Christmas tale
By KeFeuerstein
As a first time reader of this author I appreciated this genuinely nice tale. What I appreciated was the fact that it is written well, the fact that there is no coarse language or unnecessarily detailed sex scenes. I'm a sucker for a Christmas love story.

1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
Can't wait to read about the rest of Fosters!
By Noreen Ewing
Christmas stories are always enjoyable but this story was very special. You never know where you will find love and discovering it at Christmas is even more special

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